Orientation and Directions

Perhaps it's not surprising that an English teacher would use word analysis in her updates. When I started my vacation, the word was "home."

The word that resounded with me throughout  my summer vacation was "orientation" and what it means to be properly "oriented." I had to attend Pre-Field Orientation with my missions organization, so I was thinking about what was to come. Would this time help adjust my bearings? Would it bring me a feeling of familiarity? Would it provide me with direction? Where was this orientation going to point me?

The answers were yes and no. We read 1 Peter 1 several times to cement our foundation in Christian community.  I bonded with people whose attitudes and goals aligned with my own. I learned more about what missionary life can look like. I rejoiced with and prayed over sisters who are going to be spread over 4 different continents. I found people like me with completely different personalities. I learned about my own personality.

But I also found myself with more questions and even fewer answers about my future. How long exactly am I planning to teach overseas? If I continue to teach overseas, where will I go? Will I stay with NICS? When (or is it if?) I go to graduate school, might I consider doing comparative cultural studies instead of something directly within education?

With my future. Right now, I'm teaching and loving.

Talks with family and pastors at church heard that answer from me and their answer was overwhelmingly supportive. Not knowing is okay because it means that I'm in a place where God can do anything and send me anywhere. And that's exciting. It's humbling. It's scary. But it can also be good.

Coming back to La Paz was another time of orientation. When I first arrived on August 21st of last year, it was 3 weeks into the school year and I didn't get a teacher orientation. I could only dive in and figure out my directions with God's grace and help from the people around me. We managed and it was a beautiful and blessed year, but I did feel like I was wandering much of time time.

This year I've had a week of work at school before the students arrived. It was a full time of preparations, meetings and information sessions about our new digital curriculum. Along the way, I've been able to help orient my new roommate to her surroundings. She also did not get an "official" teacher orientation because of visa and flight issues. So the cycle continues.

What is my orientation at the beginning of this year? What am I headed towards? A few of the more concrete items are:

• The high school is going through some MAJOR changes as far as curriculum and schedule. 
• My church is looking for a head pastor. 
• Our small group Bible study continues to meet, but our location changes weekly.
• I'm leading a discipleship group composed of several high school girls.
• I'm updating my home church more often and have our high school ministry students praying for my students by name.

But really, when I consider what direction I'm pointed in, these are my foundational answers I aspire to:

• My heart is set on Christ and my mind on things above. (Colossians 2) .
• I am resolving anxiety with rejoicing, thanksgiving and prayer. (Phillipians 4) 
• The theme verse for our school year, Matthew 28:18-20,  answers my question of orientation:

"Then Jesus came to them and said, 'All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.'”

Christ himself gives us directions: go make disciples, baptize them with an understanding of who God is, teach them to obey me and know that I am with you. Much though I want a compass, bearing points and a strong place to start from as I try to map out my life, it's really Jesus's ending words that provide the most comfort. We know that as we go, He is with us. An orientation pales in comparison with actually having a guide who goes with you along the way. Right now I don't really have a map, but what I have is better.

I pray that wherever and whenever you are in life, you are aware of Christ being with you and are following His lead.

Please check my updated Top 5 page with information about how to pray for me!

First day of school picture

Home

Few words in frustrate me as much as the word "home." In Spanish, it's casa. In Korean, 집. They all mean the same thing: your house, the domicile you go to at the end of the day, the place where you live with your family, the place where you feel like you belong, the place where you feel at rest.

The problem is, the multiple meanings makes it an easy term to reach for. We use it all the time, especially in expat circles where, "Hey, when are you going home?" can mean so many things. When am I leaving the restaurant to go back to the apartment? When am I getting on a plane to go....well, a lot of places. Context makes it comfortable, but when I sit back to think about it on larger scale, I get antsy. Of course I know context is everything in language, but stay with me. The word has been so stretched for me and applies to so many places that using it for one of them at a time feels inadequate.

Because as Once Upon a Time put it (so poignantly) a few weeks ago:

I know.

I may or may not have thrown something at the screen.

So I have some complex feelings about home. But one thing that I liked about that scene was that opened up the idea for multiple homes. He doesn't say, "You've got your home." He said "a home." One. A person can have many. A person can have many places that they miss at once, or at least throughout the course of one day. So when I miss the fellowship of Tuesday night Bible study in La Paz, I'm missing home. When I miss laughing with my brothers and sisters in the Bay Area, I am missing home. When I miss watching soccer games over sunsets with students who call me "Teacher" in Korea, I am missing home.

During the Fall, I shared during our teacher devotions time about this concept and its symptom, homesickness. Another teacher had just had a talk about it during chapel when I was turning it over in my mind, so I expanded on it. In our school community, we are all subject to homesickness or restlessness. The North Americans miss the US, the other foreigners miss their homelands, the native Bolivians might miss the area of Bolivia from which they hail, and we all are prey to the feeling that there's somewhere else we need to be.

As Christians, we all have a longing for somewhere else. These feelings of homesickness or wanderlust are not merely cravings of an earthly nature. We belong in heaven and we'll be there someday, but for now we only get tastes and glimpses of it.The Bible tells us that our citizenship is in heaven and that it will be wonderful.

Even more encouraging to me is the thought that Jesus knows what this is like. He left heaven to wander on earth for 33 years as part of his ministry. Beyond that, Jesus paints himself as a shepherd with believers as his sheep. What he does as a shepherd is incredible - not only does he lay down his life, we also have all the promises of Psalm 23.

So when I feel "homesick" or feel tied up in knots about my angst over the word "home," I try to remember this. My home is in heaven, but until then, I have Jesus as my shepherd. With him guiding me, I know I'm exactly where I should be.